Hello everyone,
I am not sure If this is the right section to post in, but I just need opinions/help whatever so here is my sad animal and pets story:
1. Fish - When I was 9-10 my parents got me a fish tank. Things were going okay overall but at some point (think I was 11 or so) our cleaner plugged the filter out and I didn't realize for 3-4 days or so...When I did, all 10-15 Guppys or so were dead.
2. Insects: I also tried keeping ants/roaches but for whatever reason I couldn't or didn't care for them as well. Some escaped, some died because of mold, some of dehydration.
3. Mice - When I was 12 my parents got me two mice. They grew up, one was even a bit tamed but then they suddenly started biting each other. My parents didn't want to go to the vet, so we just seperated them and went on vocation - 4 days into vacation we got a message that both were dead.
4. Quails: At 14 my father and I decided to try to hatch quails from supermarket eggs. Astonishingly two did hatch but one died shortly after (maybe genetic defects, lack of turning during incubation, unfavourable conditions, i can't tell). The other one however grew up, but two months later my already existing mental problens got worse and my father took care... He told me that 2 weeks later the second quail was just randomly dead as well.
5. Budgies - The last and saddest story that I want to say in detail: So, when I was 12 my parents decided to give me two budgies. I know that back then I didn't want them (and asked If we could get another animals) but I have not been grown up enough to understand that I wouldn't care for them well (I also have Autism/ADHD and I know that means that I am getting very interested in a topic but tend to completely forget about it equally fast. Back then I didn't know I probably was neurodivergent and above all didn't know how to deal with it. I was a kid after all.) So we bought the budgies and then when we let them fly for the first time the female flew against the TV multiple times. I have been massively oberwhelmed with the situation and didn't know what to do and cried. She survived that but we didn't go to a vet. My parents were just like "well she seems alright so she surely is". Turns out she wasn't. When we let them fly the next time it was clear that she had orientation problems and simply can't fly anymore without the risk of hurting herself. After that we just left them in their cage without letting them fly. As I said I simply had lost interest in them and my parents used it as a very welcome excuse not to do anything. They also only asked me very few times about giving them away but I just wasn´t grown-up enough to realize that would have been the best. This went on until 2019 (got them in 2017) until the female just randomly died. She just lay in the cage after seeming fine in the morning. I asked my parents about getting the male a partner (which I believe shows that in some ways I did care) but my parents said, no definitely not. At the time I had lots of issues myself. I was unhappy with my life as I realize now, had very bad grades and lots of discussion with my mother. Also at the age of 13 I simply didn't have the needed foresight to do better and be better than my parents. I know there are children who are so much more mature at a young age, but I was not and I feel sorry for it every day. Later in 2019 however my life seemed to get better and I realized what happened to the now solo budgie was wrong. Still, I couldn't really care for it. I might have been able to do one task but I simply wasn't able to stick to complex tasks. Again, now I know how to manage things, back then I didn't. I know that I asked my parents if we can't let him fly (was turned down often/seen as unimportant or just completely shoved onto my shoulders. The cage stood in our living room so just telling me to do it was I believe a bit unfair and not really possible actually. That is something where the whole family should have been involved). Also he probably developed liver issues because of his very one-sided diet (mostly seeds, maybe a Golliwoog very rarely) that showed themselves in a too long beak, too long claws and somewhat hardenings around his nose and eyes. I asked my parents to take him to a vet which was turned down as well (said he was too shy). He didn´t seem to be in pain, ate as he always did and also otherwise wasn´t lethargic or anything else that would have really shown how bad he was. Also my mother often objectified him. She said that he is just a stupid bird or in the evening, when he chirped, probably waiting for attention or a partner, she punched the couch and told him to shut up, probably scaring him and therefore making him go quiet for a while. Think she also said well he is just old and basically blaming him for being sick. I think it is far from unusual that I somehow developed the same emotional distance and as a result also didn't realize how bad things were back then. I knew that it wasn't right at a certain point but I probably was the only one in the family. Additionally I got mental problems during the last months of his life. These made it difficult to care even for myself once again and while I felt sorry and always wanted to do better, I couldn't really. I know I told myself multiplet times that I will take better care for him but I guess I still didn't really understand the full extent or severity of the situation. The little bird died in May 2020 I think, just very short after my 15th birthday. I know I said sorry to him when we buried him but I just moved on with life, trying to navigate my own mental problems.
All in all it feels horrible sometimes. I only understood how bad all of these things were at least 1.5 years after they happened (I do exclude the insects a Bit because while it doesn't happen to me anymore it is sadly not uncommon that roaches e.g. die as a lack of proper care in the store or after they have been bought). I am about to turn 20 now and for the past 4-5 years my mental health went down more than once because of this, I cried more than once because of it and I had multiple nightmares about it. And, because I didn't realize how bad it was when it happened, it also feels hard to understand how it even happened. Additionally my brain biologically developed a lot over these past years so my 10-15 year old self feels like a completely different person but it is not. I am not saying this for empathy I am saying that, at least, I deeply regret what happened and that nothing like that will ever happen again. Still it's hard waking up being reminded of the past and so I would appreciate your honest opinion: If there is a way to move on, not in terms of forgetting it, rather in being able to carry the memory without destroying my future, how do I do it?
Many thanks for your opinions, whatever they may be.
See less
Reply
Write your reply...
Post reply
Related Threads
Introductions
Home About Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Help Business Directory Contact Us Grow Your Business
When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission, which supports our community. The Fora platform includes forum software by XenForo. VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 600, Toron
to, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada
Manage Consent
›
How do you move on from having had too many badly treated childhood pets?
