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I so agree with you! That sounds like my house!
Sunny was a rescue. My mother in law had him first, but he was completely out of control, extremely aggressive, dominant, disobedient, a fear biter - you name it, Sunny did it. At 10 pounds (he is a chi) he had nicknames like 'Killer' and "Devil Dog." He chased my 82 year old father in law, causing him to leap over the back of the sofa!
They were going to send him back because of the havok he had wreaked in their home, but then decided that since I was the ONLY person he had not bitten they would try to get me to take him.
We already had an 'understanding' because I am not about to have some 10 pounds of fur and teeth run MY life. I did not back down from him and there was the beginning of respect - but we had a looong way to go!
I got him and immediately got him on a routine and set boundaries. For instance, when I take him outside he has to sit in a certain spot while I put on his collar and he has to wait until I tell him he can get up and go outside. I will walk out the door first and then tell him it is OK. That took a while because he wanted to run my house like he was running my mother in law's.
Not gonna happen here. We had some run ins but I never raised my voice or anything. I had a 'time out' corner for him and he would have to go there if he acted inappropriately. He now does it on his own when he get in trouble. LOL It is a spot in the corner of the room, away from the 'pack.'
It has taken a lot of work but the fear biting is gone. He has learned to trust and we have been working on appropriate responses to fear. He is doing much better now and instead of flying off the handle when he is afraid he yips and 'checks' us (hard to explain - a visual/back away/touch non=aggressive thing he does and we respond with positive attention to reinforce it).
Just tonight my husband was playing with him with his ratty little toy. They were playing tug and catch back and forth. My husband accidentally tugged his ear instead of the toy. Sunny yipped, backed away then put his paw on my husband and looked at him, waiting for my husband to approve of his response (which he did).
When he came to us you could not touch his ears, feet or tail. Now he loves to have his ears rubbed, shakes hands with you and lets you touch his tail. But anytime he 'forgets himself' he immediately looks at me to see if I am going to scold him.
He obeys me immediately with no problem and when he thinks he has done something he shouldn't have he looks at me. In fact he watches me most of the time, taking his behavioral cues from me.
He has turned out to be an excellent little dog. But, like at your house, he respects me. My husband is the one who coddles him and spoils him.
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